she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
