My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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