She is in my trunk
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
