I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He has the fingertips of a God
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