there's paper in my vomit.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
