I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
