I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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