I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
