Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
