i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
