Your face is a jimmy john
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
