According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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