ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
