I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
