Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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