i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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