VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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