just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
