Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
