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Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
