just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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