Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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