Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
