How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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