I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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