is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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