I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
