I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
