I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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