Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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