Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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