so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
