ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
