just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
