I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Randomize
