if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
