YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
