I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
