so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
