my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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