Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
