Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
