I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
