So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
