Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
