yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize