I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
