i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
