just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
