Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
