her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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