why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
