Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
