Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
