You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
