im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
