Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
